I Wont Say I'm In Love
by Trouble Cookie
Summary: L doesn't particularly like sleep, so his insomnia doesn't really bother him...If he slept much, he'd go through a lot of mind bleach! Hints of LxLight if you squint and hit your head of a wall -I'd laugh.


**_Hey guys! Long time no see. Excuses for my absence at the bottom of the story.  
Until then, I hope you enjoy this crack fic! (Hints of LxLight if you squint)  
Disclaimer: Really? No, I don't own Death Note. Light would constantly wear a bunny suit if I did. Oh, nor do I own Caramelldansen, Stayin' Alive, the Little Mermaid OR Hercules for that matter. The only thing that belongs to me is this story itself. xD  
Enjoy, darlings! _**

L doesn't sleep for a reason. Yes, L always has a reason for the things he does, and insomnia isn't the only reason he doesn't sleep. The more pressing matter is that he always has rather disturbing dreams. Especially after passing out half way through a sugar binge. You would have thought he had learned his lesson after watching Matsuda swim around with a mermaid's tail and a purple shell bra on, but no. After an exceedingly tough day he raided the fridge and danced to songs like Caramelldansen and Stayin' Alive, before finally outdoing himself and collapsing onto the floor, out cold. Slowly, his mind eased away from the harsh reality of the Kira case and finding Candy Mountain to the scary-as-hell dreamland his sleeping moments were lived in.

~This is a Line~

It began with a sickly sweet few bars played on some airy instrument. Thick red curtains opened to see the background. It was a dark, cloudy night in a statue-filled garden, and on the edge of a fountain sat Light, sitting daintily…Wearing a lilac dress that swept along the floor, with a sprout of a pig tail at the top of his head, his fringe falling into his heavily outlined eyes. Standing up, he moved away from the fountain and began to sing….

_"If there's a prize for rotten judgement…_

_I guess I've already won that_

_No man is worth the aggravation_

_That's ancient history,_

_Been there,_

_Done that."_

As if from nowhere, Soichiro, Watari, Matsuda, Aizawa and Mogi all popped up wearing odd dresses and riding unicorns. Matsuda appeared to be wearing a fat suit and they were all dancing like buffoons on the backs of the colourful creatures. Light watched in bemusement as his dad signalled for them to begin…

_"Who'dya think you're kiddin',_

_He's the Earth and Heaven to you,_

_Try to keep it hidden_

_Honey we can see right through ya',_

_Girl ya' can't conceal it,_

_We know how ya' feel and who you're thinking of!"_

The spotlight trained on Light again, who was edging away from the 5 older men hastily, eyes flickering around frantically as he tried to get as far away as the scene would allow.

_"No chance,_

_No way_

_I wont say it, no no!"_

Cue the dramatic dancing from the other 5…

_"You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh!"_

To which a retreating Light called

_"It's too cliché, I wont say I'm in looooooooove!"_ (To let you know, Matsuda fell off his unicorn here)

The scene changed to a pathway edged by hedges and statues, and Light wandered past in his long, clinging, slightly see-through dress, his miniscule pig-tail bobbing up and down with each step he took.

_"I thought my heart had learned its lesson,_

_It feels so good when you start out_

_My head is screaming get a grip,….Boy! **(1)**_

_Unless you're dying to cry your heart out."_

The men began dancing again with terrifying enthusiasm, Matsuda stumbling about and ending up rolling along the floor after the other 4 who were skipping as they chased after the retreating teen. The unicorns had ran away after realising they were all going commando.

_"You keep on denying,_

_Who you are and how you're feeling"_ (Soichiro pauses and covers his modesty after tripping over the large ball-like figure that is Matsuda, pulling himself back to his feet and leaving Matsuda to half-waddle half-roll after them)

_"Baby we're not buying,_

_Hon we saw you hit the ceiling_

_Face it like a grown-up,_

_When ya' gonna own up_

_That you got, got, got it bad?"_

By this time Light is severely out of breath from sprinting away from the Fluffy Unicorn Brigade that has been led by his father. He catches his breath, holding up a hand and sniffing loudly. The room falls silent….*Snort, snort….Gasp….Pant* And we're back in action.

Light begins to skip clumsily along the stepping stones over a calm lake.

_"No chance, no way,_

_I wont say it no, no_." At this he trips on the last stepping stone and grabs onto the outstretched fork of the great detective, who was portrayed eating cake as a large statue. Looking at the statue with adoring eyes, Light pulls himself close to it, looks around sneakily and humps its leg before jumping away with a smug smile on his face. The Brigade finally catch up and begin to sing, but it's too late. Light's stolen the statue of L and is jumping through the wall of the set.

-2 Hours Later in Dream Land-

Light is seen running down a street, being pursued by fangirls, still dressed in his lilac toga and his hair still in the small pig tail. All over the world, mens penises are breaking off because of their huge  
boners. Admit it. The image is pretty hot.

~This is a Line~

L woke up with a start to see Light standing over him with bemused eyes.

"You were yelling and thrashing about in your sleep." He stated with curious eyes. L recalled his dream and groaned, clutching his head and trying to shuffle away from the younger boy, who was clad in a lilac towel around his waist.

"Get me the mind bleach, Light-kun." He grumbled as he crawled away towards the fridge to get strawberry shortcake.

**_Did ya' like it? :D  
_****_Yeah, I've not been on for ages...Shit happens, y'know? For the sake of you guys, I'm taking back my 1-week-deal D I'll update when possible.  
I got lazy towards the end and decided to have Light make a big exit and all, so you'll have to deal with the sudden ending.  
_****_1-It's meant to say Girl here, but I decided to be nice(-ish) to Light and let him be a male. Not a very manly male, but yeah!  
Hope you enjoyed it! Happy Valentines day! You're treat to me can be a review ^^ Oh, and no flames. My head hurts and you might set my hair on fire.  
_****_Trouble~x_**


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